


To Share, Sometimes

by Eyrdamun



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Implied spoilers, M/M, Post-True Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-07-02 15:25:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15799302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyrdamun/pseuds/Eyrdamun
Summary: Sleeping besides one another is pleasant. Akechi likes this, he buries his face in Ren's pillow.





	1. Together

**Author's Note:**

> No proof reading for this bs

Despite Ren's sleeping habits, Akechi really likes sharing a bed with Ren. Sure, he steals the blankets, cuddles too much to steal body heat or moves about as if he were the only person in the bed like a cat, just like a goddamned cat in human form- but waking up to the sunlight glinting on his hair and illuminating his pale skin, opening his eyes to Ren wrapped around him or in his arms... it’s all worth it. Even the humiliation that is being caught in the middle of a nightmare.

Even the rare kicks at, Akechi pauses to check his phone, three a.m. are worth it in the long run.

He buries his face into his pillow and groans while Ren breathes in deeply and sharply behind him.

He pays him no mind, choosing instead to let the phone fall to the floor as he snuggles deeper into the bed sheets that smell of Ren. He always smells lovely. Akechi likes how the scent soaks into whatever fabric is held against his skin. With that thought and eyes closed, he turns his face towards where Ren sleeps.

The bed sheets shudder lightly. He ignores that too so that he can sleep.

The hold of sleep sinks its claws deeper into him, effect augmented by Ren’s sheer presence. He is lucky, he thinks as Ren makes a tiny cough as he dreams. It’s easier to get rest now and he had been lacking so much of it. The bed creeks gently.

Sharing a bed with Ren is nice. Akechi feels like he is melting into the mattress, consciousness drifting until it’s pulled down to earth by Ren’s straying arm. His fingers dig into Akechi’s side before they clutch at the fabric of his shirt and Akechi sighs, accepting with fatality that he’ll be cuddled and it will take him a bit longer to fall asleep. The bed sheets are kicked off and Akechi can’t be bothered.

Ren’s breath makes a raw sound, a sound like a sob, and he pushes.

Immediately, Akechi’s eyes are wide open and sleep is the last thing in his mind.

“Ren?” He doesn’t expect an answer and fights against the hand pushing him away and the legs- the legs that are kicking and kneeing him away- to shake Ren awake.

In the dim night life light filtering through the window, Akechi can see a wetness on Ren’s cheeks and wonders for how long it has been there.

Because despite how sometimes Ren kicks him awake for nothing, how sometimes he just kicks the blankets off of them because it’s too warm, or how sometimes Ren just holds him in his sleep for no reason, there are other moments he does it all as nightmares plague him.

“Ren,” his hand finds his boyfriend shoulders and shakes him as the other tries to keep the assailing limbs from hitting him. It could all be worst, it could have been one of his silent fits.“Ren, wake up!”  
  
Akechi doesn't know how many of the quiet nightmares Ren has had. Ren coughs a new sob and wakes up.

His eyes are wide and then widen further as they catch Akechi over him, hand on his shoulder and the other holding his wrists. He kicks him fast and hard out of the bed with a shrill ‘No!’ escaping his throat and Akechi doesn’t need to ask to know what he was dreaming about.

He clutches his side, certain that it will bruise, and stands besides the bed. “Ren, it’s ok. You’re awake.”

Ren sits curled up on his side of the bed as his fingers scramble for purchase against his throat. His breathing is laboured and his shoulders shake with each expansion of his lungs. The quakes breaking throughout Ren’s form are spurred on by his coughing.

Sharing a bed with Ren is one of the highlights of his day. Akechi wants to reach out.

“You’re ok, you’re awake now.”

But if he does, it would all be worse. So he resigns to reach for the discarded blanket and puts it on the bed. He thinks about Ren’s sleepy drawl as he talked of the new cat facts he found out that day.

It takes a minute or maybe two, the sleeves of Ren’s sleeping shirt are damp and Ren takes the comforter to wrap it around his still trembling shoulders. Akechi still stands by the bed and wishes that it were his arms holding Ren close and secure.

“Sorry.” Ren’s voice is scratchy and Akechi wants to smack his own forehead for doing nothing than watching like a deer in headlights instead of getting him a glass of water. “I woke you up pretty late, huh?”

“You were having a nightmare.”

Ren doesn’t even pop his lips at the p when he replies with a ‘yup’. Akechi shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“Do you-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

He can see how Ren tries to reign himself back in enough to walk on stiff legs.

“I’ll go, you stay here.”

He leaves before Ren can complain, puts enough distance between themselves as he goes fetch a glass of water so that Ren can really begin calming down. He’d tiptoe to leave it at Ren’s bedside, but that would only put him more in edge. Akechi’s footsteps are loud and announce his presence before he even enters the room.

It’s easier that way. Easier when Ren knows to immediately watch for him.

Once the glass is safely in Ren’s reach, he leaves quickly but not fast enough to miss Ren’s murmur.

“Thanks.”

Akechi likes sleeping with Ren. Likes sharing the same bed. He’d like to always do it. It’s impossible, he knows that, he is aware of why and sighs.

Flopping down on the couch, he stares at the ceiling.

He likes sleeping with Ren by his side, but sleeping under the same roof is good enough.

Akechi’s eyelids shut and he knows it’s a lie. But it’s all he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (For anyone curious, Ren's nightmare was about Akechi strangling him)


	2. Two Sided

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has doubts.

It’s dark. It makes sense, it’s the middle of the night.

Huddled under blankets, cozy on their bed, a warm thing in the bedroom corner, Ren sleeps quietly between a warm body and the colder wall. Against Goro’s torso, he can feel his boyfriend’s chest expand with every breath he takes. He breathes in as slowly as he is loud, and it’s a pain. It can be scary.

But Goro learned. He learned where to concentrate, how still to lie himself, to feel the hymn of Ren’s living.

It requires a lot of attention, he has complained about it multiple times. Ren only ever smiled lightly, lips shaping a small teasing ‘woops’ before sliding back into a grin.

“You’re still stuck with me for a bit longer,” he would wink every time.

And Goro would like to say he wonders why Ren never says ‘forever’, never says ‘eternity’, but that would be a lie. He has his moments, volatile and angry and vengeful, that spell out the reason behind Ren’s limited time with him. Goro shakes his head. He wills away the doubt crawling in the shadows and focuses on Ren’s sleeping face peeking from the covers.

It’s smooshed against the pillow, mouth slightly open in the way Goro is more than acquaintanced with. He can’t see it in detail, not with the low light that filters through the curtain. Goro is willing to bet Ren’s face is twisted in an expression they would both affectionately chide as dumb.

Goro mouth twitches into a smile. He likes waking up to Ren like that, likes waking up to Ren having allowed himself so much vulnerability. He thinks he might like falling asleep to it too, so he should take advantage of the limited time.

Ah, just like that, the smiles slips off his face onto the bedding. Goro watches as Ren’s deep barely there exhale blows it away.

The problem with dark thoughts is that they meld to the shadows, and in a room basking in the cover of the night, they stand in every crook and cranny.

Huddling under blankets, the fabric is crunched in places. All prime for things he wants gone to ambush him. And Ren’s time with him is finite, just like the time that he can dispel those worries.

And it’s not fair. Something ugly creeps.

It isn’t fair. Turns out it was his own voice. It twists like chains around his bones, replaces his tendons and merges with the cartilage.

It will never be fair how Ren doesn’t fear if their time together comes to an end. He’d probably find it good, perfect even, to no longer wake up in cold sweat in the arms of his almost murderer. Goro’s skin itches, it feels like shedding scales.

Ren is perceptive. He probably knows Goro would have lived with the weight of his corpse. He probably knows that he would have moved on as if it were nothing, that the only regret Goro has isn’t that he had to kill him, but-

He should’ve been the one to bring down that boat. Ren knows how he feels. No wonder he never offers him a forever more.

If he had succeeded, Ren would have been mourned. When Goro had disappeared he was but a footnote in the morning news. At best, if at all.

What bullshit. His lungs draw in a shuddering breath.

It’s such bullshit that he worked so hard and stood on a throne of nothing, of absolutely nothing, where as Ren had-- Ren deserves so much, he agrees, Ren deserves so much more than the half-truths, twice lies he presents him. And he’ll realize it, he’ll accept it, he’ll go, just like everyone else, no better and yet better than every other filthy living thing in the whole world.

Goro feels himself sit up. Goro feels like his body isn’t his own.

He doesn’t want Ren to leave. But it would be better if he did, better if he took the doubts with him. Goro doesn’t want this, doesn’t want the traitorous beast called heart beating in his chest any longer. Not when it can pump so much hurt.

The room isn’t red, but black.

Goro hates uncertainties.

His eyes land on his hand. The limb like a void in the darkness of the room and twirling matching curls. Everything becomes too much, yet the sensations don’t reach him. 

When his body shoves Ren, Goro felt as if he were strapped to a chair in the audience.

Another thing snaps, Goro swears that he freezes but his body moves on its own accord. It slams Ren’s head against the wall again, and Goro can see Ren’s eyes snapping open. As if all the light in the night concentrated in his pale grey eyes to form the only stars in the sky. And they shine bright, they burn, there’s black dripping onto the pillows and Goro’s body must be finally listening to him, finally moving Ren away from the wall. He won’t look at the surface, he won’t, he won’t, because Ren is afraid, his nervous system is finally back up and his body--

Moves. All his skin is painted black.

He can’t blame Ren when he snaps from the dizziness to pull away, to shove Goro away, to scream murder.

Ah, he must look like a monster to him. He looks like a monster to himself. Goro thinks he’s crying but none of his tears fall on his boyfriend’s face- no. He can’t call him that.

He has no right.

Black limbs snake around Ren, black fingers wrap around his throat.

There’s a snap.

Goro finds himself lying on his side. His panting finally feels like it’s his, the tremble of his flesh reaches him and his core. Eyes wide, so wide it hurts, skitter across the room. But his bile burns a stronger pain, something is so wrong and he guarantees he can smell blood in their dark bedroom.

Ren lies besides him. His dark hair sprawled on the pillow, a black hole seeping under it. That’s what it has to be, he can’t tear his eyes away and look at Ren’s face. And if it’s blood, then...

Goro’s breathing evens out and then slows down. His throat feels raw, but he makes no sound as he approaches Ren. His boyf- his- Ren is immobile. He doesn’t stir when Goro’s hand lands on his shoulder.

“Ren..?” His name feels like swallowing glass.

Ren doesn’t respond.

“Ren,” he tries again, with more conviction and shakes him. The black splotch under his head bleeds bigger, Goro is certain even if the growth is minuscule. “Ren!”

He shakes him hard, voice breaking desperate. Ren tosses under his pull and push, and there’s a thud.

“Fuck...!”

Goro’s burns where his body is in contact with Ren’s and it freezes. Ren’s eyes snap open and wild, hand shooting up to cradle the crown of his head as his stare grows wider. Goro is certain they both stopped breathing, but he gets hold of himself quicker.

“Ren-“ he starts loud, his own fingers racing with adrenaline induced horror to trace Ren’s head for any signs of bumps, of any signs of his fuck up.

“I heard you!” Ren yells, sitting up in swiftly. Fear is always a great way to free one from the clutches of sleep. Goro still forces his hands into the curls and presses with dread fueled energy. Ren winces, pulls away before pulling himself back up, in and closer. “It’s ok.”

His body was his the entire time.

“Hey, listen to me.” Ren’s palm is soft with hesitation on his cheek. “Listen to me, Goro.” He can tell he’s doing his best to control his voice. Goro wants to sneer, wants to say he’s doing a shit job at it. “It’s alright, I’m alright. If it’s anything, it’s a bump.”

His body is still his, but he has no idea what he looks like. He is sure that at least his face is dry. His eyes burn.

“I’m ok.” Ren gathers him in his arms. And he hums.

“I’m not a child.”

Goro sways with the rumbling of his boyfriend’s chuckle. It somehow tunes itself to the melody Ren was singing, sounding like it belonged there. It’s probably the distortion of his heart talking, it definitely is. It beats barely lighter. The position is awkward, his fingers are still examining.

The humming continues.

“I thought I killed you.”

Goro hates this. “Sorry, honey, I’m still kicking.” He hates it when Ren does that.

“No, not in the-” He stops. It isn’t worth it, he doesn’t want to lose the little he has. 

The humming stops, Ren probably knows.

“I’m ok,” he whispers. “You didn’t do anything.”

Goro doesn’t let his hands fall. They spread, mingle in the dark locks as much as they can. He holds him like a lifeline as Ren rocks them back and forth and repeats himself.

“I’m ok.”

Despite how he’s aware of the truth, Goro desperately wants to believe in those words.

Maybe one day, he’ll make them the reality. Maybe one day, he’ll get that ‘forever’ he’s screaming his throat raw for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No reviewing what we write, we fall like fools to our own hubris.  
> Unrelated to that first chapter, but I figured they went well together.


End file.
